Completely Alone
by oh.kd
Summary: for who am I to believe I have the rights to hold an angel In my arms?


**(A/N**:**This one sort of resembles my other FF 'Never Say,Never Do', It's the same plot but its very different.)**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight._**

**Completely Alone**

x

I tell myself you chose right, that it was the best decision, but I still can't bring myself to accept it.

I never believed that in the end, you were going to be the one to leave me but somehow I knew, by the look on your face as you walked up the steps to my front door. You were as beautiful as ever, but your eyes…  
they always held such beauty, recklessness and adoration, when you looked at me.  
Well what are you seeing now?  
Because the look in your eyes…

the cold, dense security there,

The pain and agony,the regret and betrayal.  
All in these chocolate irises, that once held much depths.  
…but I can see right through them now.

I want to be able to smile for you.  
I want to tell you that I will be alright.  
I want to laugh, and be able to accept reality as you pull me into a hug,  
the last embrace I will ever receive from such an angel.  
for who am I to believe I have the rights to hold an angel In my arms?

…and so I let you go.

You pull away from me and look at me once more. What do you see on my face? For I do not know. I cannot feel emotion; I don't know how to respond. You let me go and walk down the steps and walk towards your car. I remain standing at my doorstep, not knowing what to do now. My heart has shattered into a million irreplaceable pieces, as you drive away from me.

leaving me completely alone.

It has been a long time since then, but I refuse to count the days. I no longer give a glance at the calendar, for it holds no importance to me. To count the seconds, minutes, days to weeks that I had last spoken to you, would kill me. I sit at my window, looking outside. I am looking but I am not seeing. I try not to see as the mailman delivers the mail, I try not to see as he hands Esme a sealed envelope, I try not to see what it says, I try not to see that it has your writing on it. But like everything else, I try and I fail.

Everyone else leaves the house for a hunt, I decided to stay behind. When the house is silent and empty I walked into the kitchen. Lying on the table was the envelope. I warn myself--I tell myself not to open it, for what it may hold may break me to pieces, but then again I am already shredded and broken beyond repair, what is left of me to break?

The envelope is a plain white, with your handwriting on it. My fingers touch the indentations where the pen was pressed to the paper. I travel my finger over the many letters that you wrote, but I refuse to read what it says. I do not rip the envelope open, but I open it gently, as gently as I once cradled you in my arms. I then run my fingers over the glued seal, as it is the last place your lips had touched.

And then again I am wrong.  
This envelope is _not_ the last place your lips had touched,  
but I refuse to think were else they may have been.  
No where near me, because you didn't choose me.  
And now, just like always, I am ended up thinking of you.

I open the envelope, take one look at the front and I _know_.  
I _know_ why you sent this,  
I _know_ what this is for.

Oh the irony, the cruelty.  
I don't want to have to love you like this, I want to move on as you have.  
But what am to I deserve anything?

I read the date that you have written on my invitation.  
I will be there to see you get your happily ever after,  
while I watch from the back row.  
It hurts to think about,  
but then again, when had I ever deserved a happily ever after?

x

You are beautiful,  
absolutely stunning.  
I don't know if you have seen me yet,but you have many things you are doing right now.  
You are busy with your human life,your hands shake as you steady yourself beside your father and wait for the music to begin.  
If I told you I was proud of you, would you believe me?  
I stand here, at the very back of the church, my eyes never leaving you.

The music plays and you begin to walk, of course you trip and I chuckle a little, but then I realize that it is no longer my job to catch you.  
You finally reach him,  
The mutt, the dog, the mongrel,  
Jacob.

You smile at him and take his hand in yours,  
I'm still watching you Bella,I watch as your eyes glance around the church, looking for something…  
then,you see me.  
I can't help but give you a ghost of a smile,  
your favourite smile,  
I try.  
I swear I do.

You smile back, but it is not genuine, it is not reckless, it does not love, it is not Bella.  
You almost look sad.  
but its your wedding day?the bride should not be sad on her wedding day.  
I want you to be able to hear me,for once I want you to be able to read _My_ mind.  
I want you to hear all the things I cannot say.  
especially on your wedding day.

The minister starts to give his speech,  
but I do not hear.  
I am deafened by the sound of my screaming inside my head.  
It hurts Bella,  
it hurts to watch you move on.

Finally it comes to the point in time that I feared most,  
_do you Isabella Swan take Jacob Black to be your lawfully wedded husband…?  
_A silence comes over the crowd of people watching you,  
waiting for you to admit your undying love for him,  
but there is no sound.  
You are silent.

My mind is not working properly,it is frozen, I am frozen as I watch you leave the church at a running pace with tears streaming from your eyes.I run after you, at my faux human speed.Bursting through the church doors I look in every direction, of course you couldn't have gone far, where is there to go?  
I will follow you Bella, follow you to the end of the earth.  
And so, I start running,  
running as fast as I can, with the wind in my hair and your scent in mind,  
I search for you.

Your scent still lingers in the atmosphere, my trail to your location.  
but something is wrong, I run faster and faster,  
your scent is stronger here, rather then there,  
but that is the problem, it is too strong. And there is a wreck up ahead,  
a truck wrapped around a tree.  
No.  
it can't be.  
I try to believe that it is you in the truck, broken in the wreck,  
but like everything else, I try and I will fail.

I grasp the handle bar of the passenger side,and pull with every vampire strength I can summon.  
Blood is mangled in your hair,and I try hard to keep my sobs from escaping my chest.  
I lift you up, broken in my arms and lay you in the grass.  
your pulse is slowing,

thump…….….thump………...thump.

_I am loosing her. I am loosing her. I am loosing her._

Your eyelids flutter open,and those chocolate irises gaze upon me.

"Edward…" you whisper through unmoving lips.  
Her heart beat is too slow, it's too late, I cannot save her.  
"Bella!" I gasp, my heart is breaking, my heart is breaking…  
"I'm Sorry, I should... Have….never left…"

Thump……..thump…….

I'm loosing her..

thump………………….

"I love you." She whispers, I let out of sob and reply.  
"I love you too Bella! I love you too!"

thump……….

She smiles and touches her bloody hand to my cheek.

thump…………

I lost her.

I step back from you, but it is not you, it is merely a shell of Bella,  
sprawled across the grass with the most peaceful look on your face.  
You resemble an angel, and angel with its wings cut off.  
I'm scared now Bella.  
I take a careful step back, another and another.  
…I let you go.  
And now I am here by myself in the pouring rain, I look up to the heavens and scream your name. I'm waiting for a reply Bella, a sign, anything. It never came but what did I expect? You're gone for good now.

Leaving me _completely_ alone.

I tell myself you chose right, that it was the best decision, but I still can't bring myself to accept it.  
I never believed that in the end of it you were going to be the one to leave me,  
but somehow I knew.

_I want to be able to smile for you._

_I want to tell you that I will be alright._

_I want to laugh, and be able to accept reality  
and like everything else, I will try but I will fail._

_x  
_  
**( A/N: so there we have it, another sad story of mine, because i have so many to tell ;)**

**I hope you enjoyed it, if so please feel welcome to review! it would really brighten my day.**

**sorry to all who didnt like the plot, it is kinda sad and we all do not want that to happen in Breaking Dawn, it was just a 'What If...?')**  
_  
_**please review!  
:)**


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